


Karaoke Night

by Darkflare



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, I Don't Even Know, Law Enforcement, M/M, Slight Canon Divergence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-07-27 14:39:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16221179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darkflare/pseuds/Darkflare
Summary: Kaidan needs a break. Shepard is going to kill someone. Tali and Garrus have an idea.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> In my head, this was only going to be one chapter, but my brain...well, you can see how this spun out of control :)  
> Presenting my attempt at literature.

He had been staring at the same lines of code for the last 10 minutes, none of it making sense. It was after 8 and most of his coworkers had left for the night with just a few stragglers remaining. He could feel the beginnings for a headache creeping up on him.

“If you stare any harder, the screen’s going to crack”, said a voice with a foreign lilt behind him.

“I know, but if I don’t hand this in tomorrow Miranda is gonna have my ass.”

“But if you come down with an migraine, you’ll be out for 2 days and Miranda will REALLY have your ass!”

Kaidan sighed and began to run his temples, trying to ease the building pressure in his head. “You’re right, Tali. I’m calling it a night and I’ll start again tomorrow.”  
Tali eyed him thoughtfully. “Why don’t you join the girls and I for a drink before you head home?” Kaidan hesitated. “I don’t know. I mean I’m pretty shattered...”

“We haven’t hung out in ages, Kaidan!” Tali said.

“It’ll be fun! Just you, me, and Liara. And maybe Javik.”

“Tali, I - ”

“One drink, Kaidan! That’s all I’m asking. One drink.” Tali batted her eyelashes, her lilac colored eyes sparkling.

“Is that the look you use on Garrus? Alright, fine. As long as we’re not going to Chora’s”, Kaidan replied as he started to shut down his laptop. Tali laughed, her eyes crinkling at the corners. “I’ll message the girls to let them know we’re on our way”, she said as her fingers typed rapidly on her smartphone. “And hurry up before I lock you in for the night.”

“Idle threats are empty threats, Tali”, Kaidan answered with a chuckle.

“Now you sound like Javik.”

“Oh dear God!”

_______

 

They wouldn’t let him into the room and he was seething. As a result, he stood on the other side of the glass glaring at the perp and grinding his teeth.

“If you glare any harder, you’ll burn a hole in the glass,” his taller companion remarked amiably.

“Why don’t you let me in there with him then? It would save us both the time and the hassle.”

Garrus turned and gave Shepard a wry look. “You know better than that”, he answered. “One look at you and Finch’ll clam up harder than a bad oyster. The last thing Deputy Director wants is a roasting from Attorney General Tevos like last month.”

“Come on! PR isn’t our job! And they should’ve known better than to send a reporter like Al-Jilani down here when we all know she’s biased against the Bureau.”

“True, and while it was fun watching you punch her smug face in the mouth, it definitely wasn’t our brightest moment. So no punching and/or head butting anyone until further notice. You have a history with Finch and we need him to crack the Reds’ illegal weapons operations.”

Shepard let out an angry sigh. Of course the level headed ex-military bastard was right. “Fine. We’ll let Bailey handle it.”

The taller man gave him a pat on the shoulder. “Good call. Now how about drinks on me after we’re done here?”

“Garrus, you spoil me! Tali might get jealous,” Shepard replied with a smile, blue eyes sparkling.

“I don’t think she wants what we have,” he smirked just before turning to read a message on his phone. Shepard returned his attention to the interrogation room where Finch was responding to Bailey’s question in the twitchy way that he had. The way that used to - still did - drive him nuts when he’d run with the Reds as a teen. “Flux?”

“Flux.”


	2. Chapter 2

Kaidan looked around the club, grateful that the girls had picked out one of the ‘quieter’ corners of Flux.

“So, stranger, how’s Miranda treating you?”

He turned to look at Liara. “Sometimes I just can’t wrap my head around how you get all this info.”

“Well, after leaving Epsilon, information has still been useful and lucrative for me. Plus I love the rush and mystery that comes with it.” True, Kaidan thought. Who would even guess that this slender dark haired, blue eyed young woman was the most cutthroat data broker he’d ever met. The information she’d given the Bureau had allowed them to catch breaks in several investigations they’d been running in the past year.

“Could be worse. Our inter-agency investigation may have hit a couple of snags, but we’re definitely making progress.”

“But...?”

“He’s been a little distracted lately,” Tali interjected. “Miranda’s been on his case because he’s one of our best tech analysts.”

“I’m not as good as you, Tali, but thanks. But I get where she’s coming from, especially after that mess with her sister. I mean, I didn’t trust her in the beginning. All that work she was doing with ExoGeni and knowing it was funded by a terrorist organization like Cerberus didn’t sit right with me, y’know?”

“Do you trust her now?” Liara asked.

Kaidan hesitated. “I think she, Jacob, Sam and Edi are good people. Good people who got caught up in a situation with some bad people, and they chose to leave.”

“At least Shepard was able to help give them a way out”, Tali commented. “Oh! Be right back!”

“Yeah”, Kaidan said distractedly. He stared down at his drink, thinking back to the last time he’d seen him.

“Kaidan, you’re doing that thing again”, Liara said gently.

“Sorry”, he said with a weak smile. “I just can’t stop thinking about him. About the things I said at the briefing.”

“Have you spoken to him since?”

“Not really, no. Not since then. I was so angry and I didn’t understand what he did. Maybe I still don’t.” Kaidan laughed, the sound turning bitter at the end. “I can’t bring myself to talk to him. I already hurt him by not trusting him. I don’t know if I should try... or if I can... if he wants to...”

“Do you still love him?”

______

Kaidan was star struck the first time he met John Shepard. Tall, athletic, eyes as blue as the ocean, and a tough exterior that belied the quick wit and sense of humour that drew him helplessly towards him like a moth to a flame. That’s what Shepard did actually. He drew people to him.

Shepard had been transferred from a field office following a drug bust gone south, and he’s lost his entire team. His reputation for being thorough and decisive in critical circumstances what was led the Bureau directors to move him to the headquarters, rather than writing him off. They - Shepard, Kaidan, Jeff ‘Joker’ Moreau and Ashley Williams - had been assigned as part of an ATF team in charge of bringing in a known weapons dealer named Saren Arterius. They had always worked well together, even after Garrus, Tali, Wrex Urdnot and Liara (unofficially) joined up from their various field offices to support the man hunt.

Shepard was the consummate professional, a natural leader able to inspire and pull the best from his team. Kaidan looked up to him and passed off his growing attraction to the man being hero worship. Except it seemed to be mutual. Stolen glances, light touches, even flirting. However because of the nature of their situation, there was an unspoken agreement to remain friends. Kaidan was satisfied to settle for having Shepard in his life, even if it meant they couldn’t be more than friends. He had come to treasure the friendship they had built.

Until Ash died.

They had gotten a solid lead on Saren and were chasing it down. They hadn’t counted on Rahna Thanoptis turning on them that quickly, nor the ambush.

Shepard had been shaken to his core. Since the clusterfuck in Akune he hadn’t lost anyone close to him. He pushed through with their investigation on the outside, adopting a cold and clinical approach to the case, but he was dying of guilt and self-loathing on the inside. Kaidan had been the first and only person to really take him aside and get him to stop blaming himself. To stop pretending that he didn’t care. To stop and acknowledge what they felt for each other. To stop being ‘just friends’.

The more he learned about Shepard, the more certain he was that he was it. A man he’d go to hell and back for. A man with a sense of justice and integrity, an aspiration to be a better person. A man so quick to validate others while ignoring himself. Self-less, talented, brutally honest, ruthless at his job, and yet the most gentle, patient, protective and loving man he’d ever known.

______

“I do. And I miss him so much.”

“Kaidan - ”

“I’m so sorry, Liara. I don’t know how you put up with me. We’re supposed to be having fun, not listening to me pine over John.”

She smiled knowingly. “I put up with you because you’re my friend and I care about you as much as he does. Just don’t waste the chance to tell him that now.”

“What are you - ” Kaidan started.

“Hey guys! Look who’s here!”

Turning towards the sound of Tali’s voice, Kaidan’s eyes widened in shock as he saw not only Edi, Joker and Garrus, but the one and only John Shepard.


	3. Chapter 3

“Have you seen him recently?” The taller man asked before adjusting his glasses as he drove.

“You need to be more specific, Garrus”, Shepard answered though he knew exactly who Garrus was referring to.

“You know exactly who I’m talking about, Shepard.”

Shepard huffed. “I haven’t seen him since we had it out at the briefing.”

“Why haven’t you?”

“How can I? He made it pretty clear that he didn’t want anything to do with me.”

“That’s not what it looked like to me.”

“Garrus”, Shepard sighed. “How would I even - what would I say?”

“Mm, I don’t know. Short of locking the two of you in an interrogation room until you hash it out - which I might add is looking like a better idea all the time - I’m good with you starting with hello.”

Shepard barked a harsh laugh. “Kaidan’s stubborn...”

“Pot. Kettle”, Garrus remarked dryly as he rolled his eyes.

“He’s also honest, focused, loyal. Intelligent. Sexy. Kind. Has a butt that looks so good in tight jeans.”

Garrus laughed. “TMI!” Shepard chuckled.

“Do you miss him?”

_____

He marched into Deputy Director Anderson’s office with Garrus and Joker in tow. “We’ve found an in on the Collector operation, sir.”

“Talk to me, Shepard.”

“I’ve come into contact with a Cerberus operative. A Dr Miranda Lawson, currently leading an advanced bio weapons research project under ExoGeni. We know Cerberus is really the one funding the research. Dr Lawson has agreed to help us in our investigation in return for our help rescuing her sister who is being held by her father, Henry Lawson, a key figure in Cerberus.”

“I appreciate what you’re saying, son, but you do know your reputation precedes you. How are you planning to infiltrate their organization?”

“Dr Lawson and I have identified a sleeper cell in Omega city that’s gone silent. We know we’re keeping an uneasy peace with Aria’s gang out there but that also means we can operate without a lot of external interference.”

Anderson was skeptical. “I trust you, Shepard, but you’re talking deep cover here. This isn’t something you can do alone.”

“He’s not doing it alone,” Garrus said from where he leaned against the door. “It needs a lot of setting up and we need to disappear off the radar here in Citadel city.”

“That’s where I come in, sir”, Joker chimed in. “With my tech skills, we’ll be able to build aliases and histories for them that won’t raise alarm bells with local authorities or Cerberus.”

“So I’m going to have to give up my best operatives for the long haul? Let me run this by Hackett. This is going to be strictly need to know. Is that clear, Joker?” Everyone turned.

“Why are you all looking at me? This is big, I wouldn’t tell anyone especially when my life depends on it!” Joker said indignantly.

“Good, because you’re going with them.” Turning back to Shepard, Anderson asked “who else do you need for the team?”

“Liara’s already supporting us with data. We just need Tali. We’re also going to pick up some contacts Wrex, Liara and Miranda are putting us in touch with.”

“Can we trust her?”

“We have to try.”

Anderson stared at him for a moment. “Alright, Shepard. But any hint that it’s starting to go south, I want you and your team out of there. Understood?”

“Yes, sir.”

“OK, now get out of here. We all have a lot of work to do.”

Dismissed, everyone began to filing out of Anderson’s office, but he called to Shepard for a moment.

“Kaidan’s not on your team?”

Shepard hesitated. “I can’t - don’t want to take him.” He ran a hand over his closely cropped hair. “He’s more than capable and I don’t want to imagine not working with him, but after the Saren case - I can’t.”

“Shepard, I’m the last person you need to be PC with,” Anderson said with an exasperated tone. “Even I know how close the two of you are.”

Shepard chuckled. “I guess there’s no fooling you, eh?” Turning serious again, “he means everything to me. I want to keep him safe and taking down the Collectors is the only way I know how. I’m not going to lose him like I lost Ash.”

“I understand. Just don’t go dying on us, Shepard. We need you back. Kaidan needs you back.”

“Yes, sir. I’ll get it done.” ‘One way or another.’

_____

“Every damn day,” Shepard said quietly. “When Ash died, I couldn’t stand to lose him too. I didn’t even know how much he meant to me then, but I would do it all again if it meant the world was a safer place for him to be in.”

Garrus hummed thoughtfully. “Have you ever told him that?”

Shepard was quiet for so long that Garrus almost thought he hadn’t heard the question. “No. I - I’m scared he won’t listen.”

“Shepard, for as long as I’ve known you, you’ve gone up against gansters, drug kingpins, dirty cops and crooked DAs. You’re one of the most fearless people I know, and now you tell me you’re scared to tell Kaidan how much you love him?”

“I - ” He didn’t have a comeback for that.

“What? John Shepard finally speechless? I have to tell Tali about this!”

“Hey! You leak one word of this to Tali and I swear I won’t give you the custom rifle scopes I got you for Christmas! And I’ll tell Tali where you hid the supersoaker from last summer so she can get her revenge!”

“What? Says the man who thinks Blasto is better than Sharknado.”

“Because it is, and you know it”, Shepard grinned.

“Ugh! You’re impossible!” Garrus laughed. “Seriously though. Talk to him before you hurt someone and I have to sit through another lecture from Tevos and Internal Affairs because of your cranky ass.”

“Fine”, he sighed defeatedly. “I’ll try.”

Joker and Edi were already waiting outside when they arrived at Flux. Edi, with her immaculate silver hair and steel grey eyes, was laughing at something Joker was saying. “About time you two showed up!” he called out while pushing his trademark ball cap back. “Tali’s waiting inside.”

“Tali?” Shepard asked quizzically as he followed them inside.

“Shepard! You made it,” Tali greeted them with a broad smile. “Now we’re just waiting for Javik.”

“You mean he’s decided to climb down from his high tower at Devlon and join us?” Garrus asked as he kissed her cheek.

“I remember him saying something about waiting until after our primitive ritual of caterwauling was over to join us.”

“I’m pretty sure he has his own ritual of caterwauling for Liara,” Joker whispered to Shepard.

“Jeff!” Edi exclaimed.

“Sorry, babe. But you and I both know it’s true.” Shepard chuckled at that as he followed the group to where Tali had them seated for the evening. His pleasant surprise at discovering that it wouldn’t just be Garrus and himself shooting the breeze turned into utter shock when he saw not only Liara waiting, but one Kaidan Alenko.


	4. Chapter 4

2 years.

2 years without a word. Nothing from Anderson or Director Hackett. Nothing from his or Shepard’s closest friends. No one knew where he was, if he was alive. He’d just vanished.

Kaidan shut himself off from the world, numb. He loved Shepard with a fierceness he didn’t think we was capable of. And he’d never told him. He threw himself into his work and that got him by for a while until the rumors started. Rumors that Shepard had been spotted in the cities of Omega, Illium and Tuchanka. It was like chasing a ghost. Every time he followed one lead, another would pop up, nothing verified, nothing concrete.  
Somewhere along the way, he hadn’t realized that in his grief his friends had moved away. The only friends he had were Anderson and (at that time) DA Udina.

After 2 years, Kaidan had started to come to terms with the fact that Shepard wasn’t coming back. He was gone.

Then his world turned upside down again when he was asked to attend a major inter-agency meeting. The FBI and ATF wer making a move against Cerberus and a terrorist network named the Collectors, and was setting up a special unit to handle the operation. Their lead on bio weapons and analysis was Dr Miranda Lawson, a Cerberus defector. Standing by her side wearing Cerberus tags was none other than John Shepard.

The shock was evident on both their faces. And then came the confusion. And the anger.

As everyone left the briefing, Kaidan rounded on Shepard and accused him of taking advantage of him and his trust. Taking advantage of their relationship.

“How could you?! Shepard, I trusted you!”

“I was trying to protect you.”

“Protect me? By joining a terrorist organization? By lying to me about where you’ve been for the past 2 years? Is that how you protect me? Last I checked, I was perfectly able to take care of myself!”

The hurt on Shepard’s face was palpable. “I wasn’t trying to hurt you.”

“But you did anyway.”

“Kaidan - ”

“Don’t! Don’t you dare, Shepard! 2 years! I spent 2 goddamn years waiting. Hoping. Praying you’d come back. Praying you’d at least contact me and tell me you were OK or what was going on. 2 years mourning you until I couldn’t do it anymore.”

“I’m sorry”, Shepard whispered, eyes downcast.

“John, I lo- cared about you. Why couldn’t you trust me?”

“I - Kaidan, please - ”

“Save it. I doubt I’d understand anyway. Let’s just get what we came to do over with.” Kaidan started for the door and paused. “Good luck, Shepard.”


	5. Chapter 5

As the group piled into the booth, Shepard found himself sitting opposite Kaidan.

His initial shock had work off somewhat. He hadn’t seen Kaidan in a while. “How’ve you been, Kaidan?” he asked softly.

“Good. Busy. Trying to get by without Miranda busting a cap in my ass.” That earned him a quiet laugh from Shepard, at which Kaidan looked up.

Storm blue eyes locked on honey brown. For a few moments time stopped and Shepard was lost in those beautiful, soulful eyes. For a few moments Shepard wondered how anyone could not love this man. How did Rahna not see this? Shepard loved him with all his soul. And while it tore him up inside that he couldn’t have be with him, he couldn’t begin to fathom what it must have been like for Kaidan to go 2 years without a clue of what was going on.

“It’s good to see you”, he said honestly. Kaidan blushed. Shepard would swear that he’d never seen anything more beautiful than to see Kaidan’s olive skin turn a light rosey color. It was good to see him. Kaidan muscles flexed under his dress shirt as he shifted in his seat and Shepard could see he was still in peak physical condition. He had some grey around his temples and Shepard thought it was the hottest thing he’d ever seen. His broad shoulders filled out the form fitting shirt perfectly. God, he missed him. “You too”, Kaidan replied softly.

“What are you singing, Shepard?” Tali asked.

Shepard blinked and turned towards her. He could still feel the dull ache he felt every time he looked or spoke to Kaidan. His heart raced every time he heard his whiskey smooth voice. What he wouldn’t give to be with him. But Kaidan was as stubborn as he was loyal. If he could, he’d even settle for being friends if it meant having him in his life again.

“Singing what?”

“You forgot already? Garrus, what’s wrong with your friend? It’s karaoke night, Shepard! You know this”, Tali’s eyes danced as she spoke.

“That’s right, Kaidan. What are you going to sing?” Liara asked as she nudged the black haired man next to her.

“Oh no! You know I don’t sing.”

“Come on! You might as well since you’re here. One song.”

“But what if I - ”

“No buts, Kaidan.”

Kaidan groaned and looked round to find Shepard smirking at him. That infuriating little smile that made his belly do flip flops. He looked good. Really good in his leather jacket and form fitting t-shirt. Despite the stress, Shepard didn’t appear to have aged a day. He wondered for a moment if he had any new scars and blushed at the thought. “What’re you smiling for? You have to do this too.” Shepard chuckled, “only if you’re doing it.”

“You’re the one who said there’s strength in camaraderie, so fine”, Kaidan huffed before breaking into a grin.

“Let’s hope Javik doesn’t show up halfway through or we’ll never hear the end of it,” Shepard remarked while scanning the song list.

“He still has a big stick up his ass? Honestly Liara, I’m not sure what you see in Cranky Pants?” Joker cut in.

“Much the same way I’m not sure what Edi sees in you, Joker”, Liara retorted with a smile. That had Garrus sputtering and the whole table laughing. “Touché, Dr T’Soni!”

“Good one, Liara. And I’m done”, Kaidan said as he handed back the karaoke selection machine.

Well, Kaidan thought, there’s no going back now.


	6. Chapter 6

Tali was on a roll. She’d chosen to do a sassy rendition of Lady Bacon’s ‘Bacon Wings’ that had Garrus peaking between his fingers as he groaned and giggled watching his feisty girlfriend prance on the small stage. It was even more amusing when she dragged Liara up on stage with her, her face flushed and azure eyes darting everywhere. Her awkwardness on stage as she tried to add grace to Tali’s gyrations had the group in stitches.

“Oh man! Liara will never live this down!” Joker cried. “I can’t wait to tell Javik!”

“Don’t! Liara will flay you if you’re not careful”, Garrus laughed.

“Worth it!”

They were still laughing when the girls made their way back to their table. “I’ve never been so mortified in my life!” Liara hissed.

“I never claimed to be a good dancer”, Tali replied as she slid back into the booth between Garrus and Shepard. “Unlike Shepard here”, she said as she nudged him.

“Hey! That was one time!” Shepard laughed. The chorus of noes had him sputtering. “Come on! Kaidan, back me up!”

“Sorry, Shepard, but you really are terrible”, Kaidan said between fits of giggles.

“Et tu, Kaidan?” he said as his eyes fixed themselves on Kaidan’s once more. It had been a long time since they were able to enjoy each other’s company without tension and acrimony. He smiled softly, that secret smile he only shared with Kaidan. Kaidan’s heart fluttered.

“Anyway, you’re next, Kaidan”, Liara said, breaking the moment. He rose reluctantly. “Hope you’ll have a shot of TM88 Peruvian whiskey waiting for me when I get back.”

“Maybe you should have had that ‘before’ you went up there”, Joker chimed in.

“Not helping, Joker.”

Kaidan got up on the small stage and picked up the mic, steeling himself as the first bars of the song began. When he looked at the table where his friends sat, all he could see was Shepard.

‘Mornings alone.  
When you come home  
I breathe a little faster.’

Shepard’s heart skipped a beat. He’d never heard Kaidan sing before and was awed as his rich baritone filled the air. He watched how his thick eyebrows knit together as he sang.

‘How can you stay away  
Away so long’

Shepard’s mouth dropped open hearing the hurt and seeing how much hurt he’d been through in the two years. Guilt started to settle in his belly once more.

‘I, I don’t want to say it.  
I don’t wanna find another way  
To make it through the day without you.’

The hairs on the back of his neck stood up. He loved him. Truly, madly, deeply. Kaidan was special from the time he laid eyes on him. He’d never really known love growing up in a gang as he did. He didn’t believe in redemption for the things he’d done in his past. The only thing he lived for had been his job. Kaidan gave him hope. Someone to live for, someone to fight for, someone to love.

‘Don’t wanna hold on to never  
I’m not that strong’

He didn’t even realize he was standing until the song was over and everyone had broken into a round of applause and cheers.

Kaidan didn’t look up as he made his way back to the table. He had poured his heart out in that song and he couldn’t bear to look up and see Shepard’s face, unsure if it had been enough.

“Hey”, Shepard said softly as he got closer. Kaidan looked up at his face then and watched as a range of emotions played out on Shepard’s face. In his eyes he saw surprise, pride, and something that looked a little like hope. He wasn’t sure.

“Hey”, Kaidan breathed. He hadn’t even realized he’d been holding his breath.

“That was - you were - just...” He couldn’t seem to get the words out.

“Shepard! You’re up!” Joker called from the table. Tali gave him a slight nudge and he looked down at her. “Wish me luck”, he muttered.

The club had a piano. A little out of place in a club like Flux, but who was he to judge. He sat down at the keys and glanced up towards their table to find Kaidan still standing, eyes fixed on him.

“I’m a little rusty, but here goes.” As the first notes filled the air, the entire club seemed to quiet down.

‘Say something, I’m giving up on you.  
I’ll be the one, if you want me to.  
Anywhere, I would’ve followed you.  
Say something, I’m giving up on you.’

Kaidan was transfixed. He heard Shepard play before but he’d never heard him sing. Shepard’s voice was deep and smooth, soothing. But the look in his eyes when he looked up from the piano keys at him was soft. Sorrowful. Pleading. Hurting. He felt his stomach clench. He loved this man. This kind, beautiful man. This man who didn’t make him feel less because of his debilitating migraines or because Rahna had turned her back on him. This man who proved in his own way that it was possible to love again.

‘And I will swallow my pride  
You’re the one that I love  
And I’m saying goodbye.’

Kaidan blinked. His vision was starting to blur with the tears welling up in his eyes. He looked down when Liara touched his arm. “I can’t breathe”, he choked out. “I have to get out of here.” He barely got the sentence out before he hurried for the exit.  
Outside, he began pacing clutching tufts of his hair. Is this it? he thought. Was that it? Was that finally it, the end? The thoughts kept spiraling until it felt like a dull roar in his ears.

“Kaidan”, said a hesitant voice behind him. He turned enough and came face to face with Shepard. The look of concern on his face finally broke him. Tears began to stream down his face. “Shep- John. What have I done?” he whispered. In two strides Shepard was on him, two strong arms went around his waist, holding him tight.

“Breathe, Kaidan. Just breathe”, Shepard said as he held him. Kaidan buried his face in his neck and sobbed. “This isn’t what I wanted. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“I know. I’m sorry, K.”

Shepard kept his hold on Kaidan, running one hand through his jet black hair. When his breathing was a little under control, Kaidan lifted his head off Shepard’s shoulder and looked him in the eye. “You have nothing to be sorry. I should have listened. I should have trusted you. I’m so sorry.” Shepard cupped his face with one hand and gently wiped his tear stained cheek with his thumb, saying “I should have trusted you enough to tell you. I should have taken you with me. I thought -” He choked off. “I couldn’t lose you, Kaidan. You mean so much to me. I can’t -”

Resting his forehead against Shepard’s, he said “you won’t lose me. I’m not letting you go again.” Peering into his blue eyes he added “if you’ll have me back.” Shepard laughed softly. “Kaidan, the last two years were the longest of my life. I don’t want to live without you.”

“Just - just promise me you won’t leave me behind.”

He stared into those brown eyes, drowning in their depths. “Kaidan, no matter what happens, know that I will always find a way back to you. I love you.”

Kaidan’s eyes filled with fresh tears. “I love you too. So much.”

The kiss they shared was soft, penitent, full of the things still unsaid, things that words weren’t enough to convey. They were in love. There was still so much left to say but for now they focused on the most important: that they loved each other and no matter what the world threw at them that would remain true from here to eternity.

When they parted, still resting foreheads against each other, Kaidan whispered against Shepard’s lips, “take me home.” Shepard’s smile didn’t need to be seen to be known.

_____

“15 minutes. They’re either kissing and making up, or they’re dead”, Joker deadpanned.

Garrus looked down at his smartphone when it buzzed and smiled. At the same time Javik sat down with a look of disgust. “Alenko and Shepard appear have began their mating outside. Primitives.”

“Pay up, Joker!”, Garrus said as he passed his phone to Tali and Liara to read the incoming message. Joker grumbled as he took out a 20 dollar bill. “And Javik, remind me again how these primitives didn’t introduce you to the love of your life, huh?” Everyone giggled and Javik had the decency to look embarrassed. “Primitives”, he said under his breath.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to post this. Life happened.
> 
> Thank you ever so very much for sticking it out, and for the kudos. Feel free to leave comments and feedback. I’d love to hear what you think.
> 
> God, I love these fools to death!

Shepard kept stealing glances at Kaidan as he drove. Every night after the briefing, he’d dreamt of him. Of things he could have or should have said and done. Of what he would do if he had another chance. To have the man of his dreams sitting next to him, knowing that he loved him, left him lightheaded. Kaidan loved him. He wasn’t sure what he’d done to deserve his love, but he’d be damned if he wasn’t going to seize his second chance at happiness.

Kaidan would peek at Shepard every so often, a small part of him still disbelieving the evening’s turn of events. Shepard loved him, and he loved him hopelessly and completely in return. Finally acknowledging it made Kaidan’s heart fit to bursting with happiness. It was their second chance. He wasn’t going to waste it.

“After all this time. You and me.” Shepard reached over and took Kaidan’s hand. He looked over as he entwined their fingers. “I like it. A lot.”

“That makes me so happy”, he replied just before kissing the back of Shepard’s hand. “And there are benefits to that happiness.”

“Really?”

Kaidan’s voice dropped. “Really.” The husky timbre of his voice made Shepard shiver. He gripped the steering wheel harder and if he drove a little faster to their destination, he hoped he could be forgiven for that.

The rest of the ride was filled by a companionable silence as neither were ones for small talk anyway. They were quiet when they pulled up in front of Kaidan’s house, the energy between them electric. Anticipatory. Kaidan had barely locked the door when Shepard spun him around, kissing him. His lips were petal soft, his kiss unhurried. It made Kaidan’s toes curl, especially when he had one hand in his hair; the other on the nape of his neck, one thumb gently caressing the corner of his stubbled jaw.

Shepard’s tongue traced his lips, seeking entrance. Kaidan opened up to him, moaning into the kiss. When they came up for air, they spent a moment basking in each other’s presence. He kept his eyes shut and sighed. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too”, came a hushed answer. “So, so much.”

Another kiss, another light touch. Shepard began to nip along Kaidan’s jaw, pulling soft sighs from him that he never got tired of hearing, as Kaidan began to push off his jacket while trying to direct him to the bedroom. It was slow going between kisses and helping each other out of their clothes, neither willing to let the other out of their reach.

Their slow progress came a halt when the back of Shepard’s legs finally hit the bed and he toppled backwards, bringing Kaidan down with him. Their giggles turned into soft gasps when they felt their cocks brush against each other. Kaidan was pulled down into a rough, desperate kiss. When he finally broke away, he gazed down in wonder. Shepard’s skin was flushed, chest heaving. His full lips kiss swollen and his pupils so full blown that the blue colour of his irises was almost lost.

“Look at you”, he whispered as he reached out to touch his cheek reverently. Shepard turned slightly and kissed his palm, never taking his eyes off Kaidan’s. That small smile was on his lips, the smile Kaidan never got tired of seeing. The smile he would move heaven and earth for. As if reading his mind, Shepard grinned just before using Kaidan’s distraction to flip them over.

Kaidan didn’t complete his amused protest as Shepard kissed him long and deep, pinning the man’s hands above his head. He then moved his attention to his throat, sucking on the spot behind his ear that drove him wild. The sound Kaidan made shot straight to Shepard’s cock. He wanted to see what other sounds he could coax out of him.

He moved lower, tracing his tongue along Kaidan’s collarbone, placing open mouth kisses before moving to flick his tongue on his nipple. He looked up when Kaidan hissed, grinned at his arousal before sucking the erect bud into his mouth. Kaidan’s moan sent a shiver down Shepard’s spine. Keeping his eyes on Kaidan’s, he shifted his attention to the other nipple, lavishing it with attention that had his lover whispering his name.

Still lower he went, never breaking eye contact. He placed a tender kiss on his hip while Kaidan sighed before slowly taking him into his mouth. He licked around the head of Kaidan’s cock, already dripping with pre-cum, and eased his way down, applying suction as he went up. Kaidan’s back arched off the bed in surprise at the moist heat. It had been so long, he didn’t think could last if Shepard continued like that. When he looked down at his lover, watching his head bob in earnest, he wished for the umpteenth time that Shepard had hair for him to run his fingers through. He grit his teeth to keep from thrusting and grabbed onto the sheets on either side of him.

“Shep- God, please!” he moaned. Shepard paused for a minute, letting Kaidan catch his breath before slicking his finger with his tongue and slowly pushing it into his tight hole. Kaidan’s cry of surprise swiftly turned into pleasure as Shepard began thrusting first one then two fingers to loosen him up. He gripped the sheets so hard his knuckles turned white, becoming a writhing mess at the complete mercy of his lover. “Please. Shep- John! John, please. I’m gonna-”, Kaidan started, his breathing ragged. Shepard relented and gave one more suck before letting his cock go with a pop. He crawled his way back up, laying kisses on Kaidan’s hot, sensitive skin. He knew the teasing was over when Kaidan reached for him by the nape of his neck and pulled him into a searing kiss.

“Tell me what you want”, he whispered when he pulled away.

“John, I - I need you.”

Shepard wasted no time retrieving the lube and condoms he remembered were kept in the bedside drawer. He fumbled, his hands trembling, as Kaidan ran his hands up and down his sides, touching whatever skin he could reach. Once ready, he lined himself up and planted both hands on either side of Kaidan’s head. The sight of his flushed face, skin glistening with a sheen of sweat, his perfectly styled raven curls loose against his forehead, left him awestruck. He looked into the honey brown eyes, drowning in them, drowning in the love and trust he saw reflected in those eyes.

This is what he had fought so hard for. For this man who was everything to him. This man who was home. Shepard had been like a boat tossed about on the sea and meeting Kaidan, loving him, was like finally coming home. He gasped at the thought as he reached out and touched his lips, still willing himself to believe this wasn’t another dream from his lonely nights where he tossed and turned, dreaming about the stunning raven haired ATF agent. 

“You’re so beautiful.”

“John”, Kaidan whispered, craning his neck to kiss his lips tenderly. He pressed his forehead against his as Shepard began to push past the tight ring of flesh. His thrusts were slow, letting Kaidan adjust before moving forward again. They moaned in unison when he finally bottomed out.

“Kaidan.” His name sounded like a prayer coming from Shepard’s lips. He leaned forward and kissed him deeply as he began to move, pumping with slow, deep thrusts. Each movement stoking the fire that built and built and built between them. Kaidan’s hands slipped down to grope his ass, encouraging him to move faster. Shepard fisted one hand in his hair, tugging to expose his lover’s throat and suckled on the tender skin just below his ear. The moan it pulled from Kaidan spurred him on. His other hand found Kaidan’s and he interlaced their fingers, trying to ground himself.

Shepard was everywhere. Above him. Around him. In him. It was too much and not enough. Every gasp, every moan, every touch, every thrust brought them inevitably closer to the razor’s edge.

It was everything.

He never took his eyes off him, off the deep blue eyes that shone with ushed tears. Kaidan gasped at the love he saw looking back at him in those beautiful eyes. He touched his quivering lips as heat began to pool at the base of his spine. He blinked as the first tear trickled down his cheek. He swore to himself that Shepard had never been more beautiful, had never been more his, than in this moment: skin flushed and covered in sweat, tears streaming down his face, eyes looking at him as if he were the most precious thing in the world. In the entire galaxy. He reached up and cupped his stubbled cheek.

“I love you.”

“I love you too. Always.”

Everything narrowed to a point where there was nothing, no one else. Nothing but the sounds of their lovemaking. Nothing but their gasping breathes, reassuring touches, hard kisses, unbridled passion. Nothing but honey brown on storm blue. Kaidan’s orgasm hit him so suddenly, he gave a soundless shout. His muscles clenched down on Shepard, tipping him over the edge as be buried his face in Kaidan’s neck, whispering his name over and over again like a mantra.

When he finally came to, he found Shepard had cleaned them up and rearranged them so that he was lying in his warm embrace. He could feel his hand threading through his damp hair, a light kiss to his lips that was so at odds with their near frantic lovemaking earlier. “Still alive down there?” Kaidan gave a soft chuckle and tilted his head to find Shepard’s soft gaze on him. “Never been better”, he said, reaching up to cup his cheek again.

“Kaidan, I- I’m so sorry,” Shepard started as his eyes filled with tears again. “I should’ve-” Kaidan cut him off with a finger to his lips. “I know, John. I know there’s a lot we still need to talk about, but for now can we just be, y’know? I do want us to talk. Right now I just need you.” Shepard’s arms tightened around him.

“Alright. I just need you to know that I love you, that I never stopped.”

Kaidan nodded, looking into his eyes for a long moment. “I love you so much”, he whispered. They had been through so much, from their first meeting to forging an incredible friendship to finally choosing each other after dancing around each other for so long.

They had been through so much, and they still had so far to go. Kaidan knew their line of work didn’t guarantee that they would see tomorrow. There was nothing Kaidan wouldn’t do to protect him; he knew that. Shepard knew it was his talent that made him a top asset for their organization, and knew what that meant for him. For them. He knew that while he would give up everything to be with Kaidan, he was willing to do anything to keep him safe.

For now, tomorrow could take care of itself.

For now, as Shepard buried his head in the crook of his neck, this was what mattered. This was what wouldn’t happen again. Finding someone to live for. Someone to fight for. Someone to love. They both drifted into a blissful sleep, sated and warm. Safe in each other’s arms. Safe in the knowledge that they faced tomorrow together.


End file.
